When I met my husband in January 2000 I didn't think much of anything.
I had a normal life back in Europe, friends work pets and my family.
If someone would have told me I would leave everything behind and start a new life on the other side of the world I would have laughed in their face and told them to take an other pill.
But it happened.
I left.
There was a good reason for it, I met my husband online, he lived in Canada and I was in Holland.
And like it does with so many, we fell in love, there was a connection, a very strong one.
And we both knew that we had to be together.
So he left Canada to see me, and it clicked, we knew for sure we had to be together.
It felt so natural and safe.
So he stayed in Holland for a few months when we decided to try and get him to stay, or to get him a Visa.
But the dutch government wasn't to helpful and we were told that there was no way he could stay.
One of the ladies that was doing our paper work told me one day, he is only here to get a stay, he is using you.
It felt like a slap in my face, why would anyone think that, couldn't they tell we were mend to be together?
I got pregnant that same month, I was hoping I would have a baby and this was huge for me, but even before I could tell my mom...I lost the baby.
I broke down, I just lost it...this wasn't mend to be...I felt horrible.
So I made up my mind and said I will go to Canada then.
I gave up my house, car job friends pets and told my family I was leaving.
So we planned our wedding 3 days before we left.
I made sure I had everything taken care of, my mom and dad would give back the key of my house, I would sell everything that I had.
Stan promised he would take care of me and my son Danny.
Because my son wanted to go with us, he was 13 at the time and I told him you can choose what you like to do.
Because my ex in laws were also pulling on him, and of course it was nasty.
But he said he wanted to come with us... he needed a break and a new beginning too.
It was heartbreaking, I lost a lot that day when I stepped on that plane.
We moved to Sprucedale Ontario where we had a small house up in the woods on 12 acres of land, I called it the wilderness because that is what it was.
I saw bears cougars, skunks and all sorts of creatures not to mention the stink of a dead skunk on the road.
I even had a frog inside the house the one day and I started to think...maybe this wasn't the best idea?
I was home sick, lost a lot of weight...didn't sleep well...and I cried a lot.
Usually I cried in the shower so Stan wouldn't see it.
But I stuck to my choice, this is what I choose so I would stay.
Danny got in a lot of trouble, he didn't listen, he lied to people, he tried everything to get in trouble.
He was sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, he got into drugs through school.
And things got worse from there.
We moved to the south of Ontario where we had a small house in Stoney Point, a small community with only 500 people.
We were hoping Danny would be better there, more things for him to do.
But all hell broke loose.
He started to break in at night into peoples cars and homes.
We had angry people at our door step yelling at us and I had no idea why.
Because I had no clue what Danny had done.
Then one day Danny disappeared, I was frantic, I called everyone I could think of.
But no Danny, he was 16 by then.
For 3 years I had tried my best to get him a good home and for him to find friends.
But Danny was very much into stuff, he didn't understand why he didn't have the things that he used to have...he wanted his stuff back, his game boys and computer and radio.
We were not rich, Stan tried different jobs to get a better pay check.
And we were doing our paper work to get our permission to stay, our landed status.
Danny was never happy, he wanted things we couldn't give him.
We found out that the reason why Danny was gone, was because he was in prison for stealing a car.
He crashed it in a ditch and the police found him.
And they asked him who his parents were and he told them he had no parents and that he didn't know where he lived.
For 3 days he did that, and then they confronted him that they knew who he was and where he lived.
He was facing 5 years in prison, or going back to Europe.
So my father in law was calling to prison and Danny's lawyer and they talked because Danny didn't want to talk to me.
He said it was all my fault because I didn't give him what he needed, he said that Stan promised he would get all his stuff back when we would move to Canada.
But Stan had said he would take care of us... and Danny misunderstood.
When I heard that my father in law had everything arranged I wanted to see Danny, I needed to say good bye, I needed to know if he really wanted to leave.
He came by the next day, to pick up his stuff and his own pictures that were taken of him in Canada and all of his baby pictures.
He didn't show any emotions or regret nothing.
I was stunned, why did he want to leave?
Why couldn't he just tell me what he wanted.
But he left...and I never heard from him again.
Till this day I cry over him, I miss him and I just wish that there was something I could have done different.
But this is just a chapter in my life that is done and over with I guess.
One day I discovered I didn't feel as good as usual , I felt sick in the morning.
But after doing a test I was pregnant.
Yaaaay...a baby!!!
In 2003 my daughter Emma was born.
It changed my life completely.
It was so difficult not being able to share this joy with my family and friends.
Thank God my mom and aunt came to visit in April of that year, so at least I had someone to see my new born baby.
My mother in law came by a couple of times, they lived up North in Spruce dale so we didn't see each other a whole lot.
In 2005 I got pregnant again, but the doctors discovered uterus cancer I was never this scared before in my life, so we made plans to move back to Holland.
Due to the fact that the lawyer we hired didn't do his job of getting my immigration done I didn't have health insurance and we were still paying off the bills from Emma's birth.
That lawyer did screw us around, we paid a lot of money for my landed status that I never got!
But I needed to be with family to help me cope with this disease, I was told I had to think of having it removed.
The chance of having a miscarriage was too big.
There was just no way I was going to loose this baby.
So we gave everything we had away, and gave up our house and stepped yet again on a plane, leaving the family here in tears.
In September 2005 Amber was born, healthy and waaaay late! 43 weeks!
She was a healthy baby, not very big, I had a lot of stress.
So much had happened in the months when we went back to Holland.
About 4 weeks after I had Amber they took the cancer out, I had some tests done and I am keeping a close eye on my health but so far everything has been good.
So we applied yet again for Stan's stay in Holland after that.
Because we have 2 kids together you would think the Dutch would let us stay in Holland, as a family.
But no...they told my husband to leave Holland...they gave him 29 days to pack up and leave after his stay was denied yet again.
A year long we had been fighting and begging for help, for anyone to listen.
But they told us no, again.
I didn't work during my pregnancy because I really wasn't doing do great.
But the reason they gave us that we had to leave was simply because Stan was asked if he couldn't return to Canada.
Stan gave an honest answer, because he was told to speak the truth, and he said no I can go back and find work easily, but it would be better for my wife to be here with her family.
A week after that hearing we got a letter saying, the reason why Stan has to leave is because there is nothing that is holding him back, there was no reason for him to stay in Holland.
Plus, he has a criminal record from a thing he did as a kid, hanging with the friends at the wrong time.
And that was ages ago, he never got in trouble for doing something stupid...but that wasn't showing on that record...so based on a very old criminal record of property damages he was denied.
They didn't look at the fact that I am dutch, and that we have 2 daughters together and that they have dual citizen ship.
Now years later we heard of an other father that had to leave but they let him stay because of his kids!!!!
AND he had a criminal record that didn't date far back!
So all and all, I paid a lot of money to get us to stay in Holland, but they told us to leave yet again.
So again we lost everything we had gathered in the year we were in Holland, we had a life there, we had a nice life there.
We were close to my family and we were doing alright.
So packed with 7 sports bags full of clothes and some kids toys we left.
We had to google for the cheapest plain tickets, they would take us to Saskatchewan, and because we didn't even know anyone here we contacted a Realtor.
He had a house up for sale that had furniture and we could use that house for one month, and we didn't even know if we would make it in that month.
I didn't bring my winter cloths, i figured i needed to bring enough toys for Emma and Amber to help them adjust and give them something to do.
It was the first week of September, and OMG!!!! it snowed!!
So on my sandals in the snow I went to a store that had some shoes on sale for 7 dollars...they were indian shoes.
And they felt so good and soft and warm, I also bought a jacket at the second hand store.
That same month Steve Irwin died, I never forget that month as long as I live.
My husband applied for a Job from Holland so he could start working within the week.
So after a week of looking for our own place to stay Stan went to work and left the looking for a house up to me.
I couldn't find anything, it drove me up the wall because I was a total stranger here in this small city.
I am telling you, trying to do that with 2 small kids, not knowing where you end up is a headache.
But we did it, there have been millions of people before us that did the same thing.... so I wasn't too worried.
The only thing that bothered me was my family and friends.
Saying goodbye to some of them was very hard, knowing I would not see them again.
So here we are with our small family of 4 in Saskatchewan.
We found a house 2 days before the end of the month and we are still living in that same house.
My husband and I have been together for 12 years now and we are still going strong.
This experience made us stronger and in a way much happier.
We are not rich, we don't own our own house, we are renters, but we are proud.
My husband works in the roofing industry and he climbs up and down the ladder all day every day.
Our kids are very happy, they have good grades in school.
Me being sick all the time should make me depressed but it doesn't, I have Vitiligo
(Vitiligo is a condition of the skin, it takes away pigmentation, if you want to know more about this disease google it, don't shy away from it, 1% of the population has Vitiligo, one of the most famous was Micheal Jackson.)
and I have food allergies...you think well then don't eat the foods you are allergic too...that is easier said then done.
I am allergic to everything, some days are good days, I can eat more then I normally can without too much of a pain or symptoms.
Other days are not so good, then I get attacks as if I have hay fever, sneezing red eyes and just feeling terrible or horrible cramps and I have to make a run to the bathroom, or just feeling really sick.
And the hardest part is, that every time when I go to see a doctor about this, they look at me as if I speak a different language, they have no clue how to help me.
So here I am hoping for a wonder drug or just someone that knows what is going on with me.
I also can't be outside in the sun, I swell up like a balloon and burn to a crisp.
And I did have tumors removed 2 years ago from my right breast. They came out and everything was good after that.
But you know, even with all of this going on in my life, I can honestly say that I am happy, happier then most people that I know :P
I am a happy mom and a happy wife.
I miss my family and friends a lot, but this is my life... not by choice...but by chance.
Far away home.
I had a normal life back in Europe, friends work pets and my family.
If someone would have told me I would leave everything behind and start a new life on the other side of the world I would have laughed in their face and told them to take an other pill.
But it happened.
I left.
There was a good reason for it, I met my husband online, he lived in Canada and I was in Holland.
And like it does with so many, we fell in love, there was a connection, a very strong one.
And we both knew that we had to be together.
So he left Canada to see me, and it clicked, we knew for sure we had to be together.
It felt so natural and safe.
So he stayed in Holland for a few months when we decided to try and get him to stay, or to get him a Visa.
But the dutch government wasn't to helpful and we were told that there was no way he could stay.
One of the ladies that was doing our paper work told me one day, he is only here to get a stay, he is using you.
It felt like a slap in my face, why would anyone think that, couldn't they tell we were mend to be together?
I got pregnant that same month, I was hoping I would have a baby and this was huge for me, but even before I could tell my mom...I lost the baby.
I broke down, I just lost it...this wasn't mend to be...I felt horrible.
So I made up my mind and said I will go to Canada then.
I gave up my house, car job friends pets and told my family I was leaving.
So we planned our wedding 3 days before we left.
I made sure I had everything taken care of, my mom and dad would give back the key of my house, I would sell everything that I had.
Stan promised he would take care of me and my son Danny.
Because my son wanted to go with us, he was 13 at the time and I told him you can choose what you like to do.
Because my ex in laws were also pulling on him, and of course it was nasty.
But he said he wanted to come with us... he needed a break and a new beginning too.
It was heartbreaking, I lost a lot that day when I stepped on that plane.
We moved to Sprucedale Ontario where we had a small house up in the woods on 12 acres of land, I called it the wilderness because that is what it was.
I saw bears cougars, skunks and all sorts of creatures not to mention the stink of a dead skunk on the road.
I even had a frog inside the house the one day and I started to think...maybe this wasn't the best idea?
I was home sick, lost a lot of weight...didn't sleep well...and I cried a lot.
Usually I cried in the shower so Stan wouldn't see it.
But I stuck to my choice, this is what I choose so I would stay.
Danny got in a lot of trouble, he didn't listen, he lied to people, he tried everything to get in trouble.
He was sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night, he got into drugs through school.
And things got worse from there.
We moved to the south of Ontario where we had a small house in Stoney Point, a small community with only 500 people.
We were hoping Danny would be better there, more things for him to do.
But all hell broke loose.
He started to break in at night into peoples cars and homes.
We had angry people at our door step yelling at us and I had no idea why.
Because I had no clue what Danny had done.
Then one day Danny disappeared, I was frantic, I called everyone I could think of.
But no Danny, he was 16 by then.
For 3 years I had tried my best to get him a good home and for him to find friends.
But Danny was very much into stuff, he didn't understand why he didn't have the things that he used to have...he wanted his stuff back, his game boys and computer and radio.
We were not rich, Stan tried different jobs to get a better pay check.
And we were doing our paper work to get our permission to stay, our landed status.
Danny was never happy, he wanted things we couldn't give him.
We found out that the reason why Danny was gone, was because he was in prison for stealing a car.
He crashed it in a ditch and the police found him.
And they asked him who his parents were and he told them he had no parents and that he didn't know where he lived.
For 3 days he did that, and then they confronted him that they knew who he was and where he lived.
He was facing 5 years in prison, or going back to Europe.
So my father in law was calling to prison and Danny's lawyer and they talked because Danny didn't want to talk to me.
He said it was all my fault because I didn't give him what he needed, he said that Stan promised he would get all his stuff back when we would move to Canada.
But Stan had said he would take care of us... and Danny misunderstood.
When I heard that my father in law had everything arranged I wanted to see Danny, I needed to say good bye, I needed to know if he really wanted to leave.
He came by the next day, to pick up his stuff and his own pictures that were taken of him in Canada and all of his baby pictures.
He didn't show any emotions or regret nothing.
I was stunned, why did he want to leave?
Why couldn't he just tell me what he wanted.
But he left...and I never heard from him again.
Till this day I cry over him, I miss him and I just wish that there was something I could have done different.
But this is just a chapter in my life that is done and over with I guess.
One day I discovered I didn't feel as good as usual , I felt sick in the morning.
But after doing a test I was pregnant.
Yaaaay...a baby!!!
In 2003 my daughter Emma was born.
It changed my life completely.
It was so difficult not being able to share this joy with my family and friends.
Thank God my mom and aunt came to visit in April of that year, so at least I had someone to see my new born baby.
My mother in law came by a couple of times, they lived up North in Spruce dale so we didn't see each other a whole lot.
In 2005 I got pregnant again, but the doctors discovered uterus cancer I was never this scared before in my life, so we made plans to move back to Holland.
Due to the fact that the lawyer we hired didn't do his job of getting my immigration done I didn't have health insurance and we were still paying off the bills from Emma's birth.
That lawyer did screw us around, we paid a lot of money for my landed status that I never got!
But I needed to be with family to help me cope with this disease, I was told I had to think of having it removed.
The chance of having a miscarriage was too big.
There was just no way I was going to loose this baby.
So we gave everything we had away, and gave up our house and stepped yet again on a plane, leaving the family here in tears.
In September 2005 Amber was born, healthy and waaaay late! 43 weeks!
She was a healthy baby, not very big, I had a lot of stress.
So much had happened in the months when we went back to Holland.
About 4 weeks after I had Amber they took the cancer out, I had some tests done and I am keeping a close eye on my health but so far everything has been good.
So we applied yet again for Stan's stay in Holland after that.
Because we have 2 kids together you would think the Dutch would let us stay in Holland, as a family.
But no...they told my husband to leave Holland...they gave him 29 days to pack up and leave after his stay was denied yet again.
A year long we had been fighting and begging for help, for anyone to listen.
But they told us no, again.
I didn't work during my pregnancy because I really wasn't doing do great.
But the reason they gave us that we had to leave was simply because Stan was asked if he couldn't return to Canada.
Stan gave an honest answer, because he was told to speak the truth, and he said no I can go back and find work easily, but it would be better for my wife to be here with her family.
A week after that hearing we got a letter saying, the reason why Stan has to leave is because there is nothing that is holding him back, there was no reason for him to stay in Holland.
Plus, he has a criminal record from a thing he did as a kid, hanging with the friends at the wrong time.
And that was ages ago, he never got in trouble for doing something stupid...but that wasn't showing on that record...so based on a very old criminal record of property damages he was denied.
They didn't look at the fact that I am dutch, and that we have 2 daughters together and that they have dual citizen ship.
Now years later we heard of an other father that had to leave but they let him stay because of his kids!!!!
AND he had a criminal record that didn't date far back!
So all and all, I paid a lot of money to get us to stay in Holland, but they told us to leave yet again.
So again we lost everything we had gathered in the year we were in Holland, we had a life there, we had a nice life there.
We were close to my family and we were doing alright.
So packed with 7 sports bags full of clothes and some kids toys we left.
We had to google for the cheapest plain tickets, they would take us to Saskatchewan, and because we didn't even know anyone here we contacted a Realtor.
He had a house up for sale that had furniture and we could use that house for one month, and we didn't even know if we would make it in that month.
I didn't bring my winter cloths, i figured i needed to bring enough toys for Emma and Amber to help them adjust and give them something to do.
It was the first week of September, and OMG!!!! it snowed!!
So on my sandals in the snow I went to a store that had some shoes on sale for 7 dollars...they were indian shoes.
And they felt so good and soft and warm, I also bought a jacket at the second hand store.
That same month Steve Irwin died, I never forget that month as long as I live.
My husband applied for a Job from Holland so he could start working within the week.
So after a week of looking for our own place to stay Stan went to work and left the looking for a house up to me.
I couldn't find anything, it drove me up the wall because I was a total stranger here in this small city.
I am telling you, trying to do that with 2 small kids, not knowing where you end up is a headache.
But we did it, there have been millions of people before us that did the same thing.... so I wasn't too worried.
The only thing that bothered me was my family and friends.
Saying goodbye to some of them was very hard, knowing I would not see them again.
So here we are with our small family of 4 in Saskatchewan.
We found a house 2 days before the end of the month and we are still living in that same house.
My husband and I have been together for 12 years now and we are still going strong.
This experience made us stronger and in a way much happier.
We are not rich, we don't own our own house, we are renters, but we are proud.
My husband works in the roofing industry and he climbs up and down the ladder all day every day.
Our kids are very happy, they have good grades in school.
Me being sick all the time should make me depressed but it doesn't, I have Vitiligo
(Vitiligo is a condition of the skin, it takes away pigmentation, if you want to know more about this disease google it, don't shy away from it, 1% of the population has Vitiligo, one of the most famous was Micheal Jackson.)
and I have food allergies...you think well then don't eat the foods you are allergic too...that is easier said then done.
I am allergic to everything, some days are good days, I can eat more then I normally can without too much of a pain or symptoms.
Other days are not so good, then I get attacks as if I have hay fever, sneezing red eyes and just feeling terrible or horrible cramps and I have to make a run to the bathroom, or just feeling really sick.
And the hardest part is, that every time when I go to see a doctor about this, they look at me as if I speak a different language, they have no clue how to help me.
So here I am hoping for a wonder drug or just someone that knows what is going on with me.
I also can't be outside in the sun, I swell up like a balloon and burn to a crisp.
And I did have tumors removed 2 years ago from my right breast. They came out and everything was good after that.
But you know, even with all of this going on in my life, I can honestly say that I am happy, happier then most people that I know :P
I am a happy mom and a happy wife.
I miss my family and friends a lot, but this is my life... not by choice...but by chance.
Far away home.